Why African Millennials cutting off their parents |
Why African Millennials cutting off their parents |
This is why African kids are cutting off their parents. A discussion worth discussing. I will be talking about Generational trauma and abuse. I forgot to put a disclaimer. But yes its a sensitive topic. I hope you find healing ❤️🩹 #generationaltrauma #africanparents
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Not just african, latinos also! And asians!
The whole "they want babies, not children" segment really resonated with me. I always say "my father wants a cardboard-cut-out, not a child", because it's literally as you say. As soon as I started forming my own opinions and views, the fighting at home began. (I'm white btw) I don't talk to my father anymore and according to my mother (who seperated from him before I was in elementary school), my father has no clue why. I dunno man, maybe it was you constantly trying to break my spirit so you can mold me as you wish that has something to do with it?!
Also, when somebody brings this topic of my father up, I try to explain to them that a baby is forced to love their caregivers from the moment it is born. The baby is 100% dependant on those people, physically and emotionally and therefore is forced to love those people. But if you manage to mess up so bad that a person that loved you from the first day of their live does not want to talk to you anymore, you must've done something really bad to that person. No matter what it was, that person was forced to love you from their birth because their survival depended on it and it's basically hardcoded into our DNA. And you stilled fucked up.
Edit: I'm so happy you brought up the "blood is thicker than water" -saying. It always grinds my gears when somebody says that to imply that I have to let other people abuse/mistreat me because we are related.
You explained perfectly in the "Being grateful" section. So many parents are unable to see anything outside their own narrow perspective, and can't understand that their kids are autonomous individuals rather than simply being extensions of their own ambitions and goals.
Edit to add: this isn't just an African parent thing, though of course there's a particular flavour of parenting that comes from African parents, same as with Asian parents and such. But this is a human problem. All people are vulnerable to this kind of personality trait, it just manifests slightly differently depending on the cultural context of the person it manifests in.
Joshua 24:15 But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”
We can imagine that some of the Israelites had idols that were basically family heirlooms that Uncle Frank back home carved for the family. And at some point they had to discard them. It must have been hard for them too.
The part about the gratefulness. This is probably not quite the same thing but it made me think about it. One day my mom yelled at us kids because we were wasting the biscuits. She liked to buy biscuits for us with the cream filling – but apart from the chocolate ones, nobody was interested in eating them. Plain chocolate yes. Biscuits no. So they would get old and expired and have to be thrown away. I remember thinking that we were being yelled at for something nobody asked her to do. Of course, nobody dared to tell her – well stop buying them. lol.
One day when I was much older she talked about her younger days and growing up very poor. And one day they went by someone and she got a sweet. She gave it to her brother to keep for her (he had pockets in his clothing) so she could eat it later but he ate the sweet. Little stories like that, I recognized that the person who wanted the cream filled biscuits was herself as a child. Instead of admitting that and buying cream filled biscuits for herself if she wanted to, she had to deflect that desire unto us. lol.
To be fair, there is a good reason to not leave dishes in the sink overnight because: ants, cockroaches.
What you shouldn't be doing is simply just doing things for doing things sake but to think if this is really a good thing to do or not. The other day, my little nephew deliberately put his hand on the stove burner. I think he knew he would get yelled at by his mommy and wanted to see if I would do the same. I did. He was upset that he got yelled at. It is all well and good to tell him that he will risk burning his hand but if he has had the experience of touching the stove (it's electric) and not getting burned how can he comprehend what you are telling him – especially if he can't talk well yet. So at that age you almost don't have a choice but to instill in little children – I mustn't touch the stove or mommy or aunty will get mad. And only when older, will they understand – sometimes the burner is hot even though it doesn't look like it is.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
In any event, when a herder has a stick it isn't to beat the sheep. (Well maybe apart from a sharp smack if they are going wayward in a dangerous way. maybe to break up a fight?). Instead, the stick is used to guide the animals where to go.
Edit: I found this funny article that demonstrates my point:
HOW TO HERD YOUR DUCKS (AKA GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW!) – WITH VIDEO
Isaiah 11:4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
Unfortunately, there aren't many videos on herding sheep with sticks. Dogs are used mostly. But there are a few bird herding videos with sticks.
Its one of those stupid Tik Tok trends. "Hey look at me, I just cut my mum off, how cool"
This happens in countries all over the world. There is a documentary about a decade old called Schooling the World where people from the East send their children to the West hoping they will learn skills to keep the ancestral land and protect the family from imperialism yet their children become Americanized and never leave
I think it’s wonderful to be well treated respectfully as an adult and when growing old, but I think we need to respect the young working as well.
I wonder if all the people that are cutting off their parents have cut off the support from their parents and have had themselves removed from their wills
I was just talking to someone last night and expaining that I wasn't the mom who believed my children owe me anything. I was a young mom, but even since then I knew I was making the choice to bring someone into this world, and that someone would grow up to be their own individual. I've watched parents s sacrifice their whole lives to be perfect parents only for their children to be rotten to the core. I realized some things just aren't on the parents and children are going to grow into the adults they were destined to be. Whether they decide to look out for you in their adulthood is not indicative of how well you parented, but actually on the kind of individual they truly are.
However, being the entitled parent that raises their children only for the return on investment, almost always ends up in abandonment from your children.
"what will other ppl say?" i'm polish and I think this is the most common thing parents say to their kids, all around the world. Rn my parents are in therapy, I also have my therapist and we are all becoming our better versions but yea, this sentenced was my mother's favorite line to say whenever I dared to do smth of my choice, whenever I didn't meet their expectations. I realy wish all parents could stop this and accept the fact that kids are just other human beings, that they have their own opinions and that kids want to make choices of their own.
There’s a name for the behaviour you describe: covert narcissism. I grew up with parents that behaved the same way.
I had seen memes that African parents were strict but I didn't know it could get that bad, or violent.
Sending love to each person on this thread. If someone else denies your value, establish it for yourself. Just because it's not acknowledged doesn't mean it's not there.
North African here, according to society, the elderly can do no wrong and we must obey them regardless of what they say. As a girl, I have to do most of the chores and be submissive as it is socially acceptable. My brothers do nothing to help around the house, I am expected to clean after them, which includes their room since they cannot even do their own beds. I argued with my grandmother about this, and the verbal abuse I received nearly broke me. What they inflict upon me is borderline insane, and yet when I retaliate, I automatically become the bad guy for having 'raised my voice' at my poor sweet innocent grandma…
Our society is doomed.
By no means am I in your target audience (I'm a white woman in her seventies), but found myself wondering if you had been in my house while my parents were raising us. This whole video rang a lot of bells for me. It would appear that there is a whole lot of toxic parenting going on out there in the world, no matter where we come from. And it's a shame that so much of it gets passed on to the next generation, and the one after that.
Wow! This sounds like the Baby Boomers generation of African American parents, too!!! Exactly like a lot of them! They are really clueless and in denial about how mean they are and feel that they don't need to change. Everything that goes wrong is someone else's fault. Right down to you being too sensitive because you don't like being put down. They look for negative things to point out and then blame you because you begin to not come around because you're tired of getting hurt. Unfortunately, coming around feels like a chore and is not pleasurable.
happy late birthday! you're so right about generational trauma, im in my late 20s and noticing the things my parents did ( that i hated ) in myself
it's very sadly a global truth that children are questioned why they're leaving but the parents will just be treated as a victim of an ungrateful generation. Our parents, especially boomers had it better, their war stories aren't based on anything substatial.
I just think not having kids should be normalized the same way as having them is, because it is firstly an insanely expensive project if you plan to actually succeed in the raising process. Reason being, society demands you to embrace the "petit bourgeoisie" lifestyle for you to qualify as a decent human being if you have a kid.
I believe this phenomenon is global especially when one or both parents grew up poor in the countryside. It was researched that parents of poor background only understand ordering kids around as proper parenting. And yes, if you mention depression etc they'll be like "When I was your age there was no depression because we worked in the field all day!" And then you'd need someone to explain them that child labor is likewise bad for kids
I got a call from my mother 5 years ago. It was a random thing. For the first time in my life I heard her sincerely apologize. I was stunned for months. Since then no matter what I always apologize to my child.
I clicked on this video with the intention to listen to a few lines and click it off. But this video is so powerful, so true that I just couldn't stop It. I definitely will look at it later when I get home from work. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work. You have earned a subscriber.
Sadly finding out at aged 48 that my parents love the only son who has sponged off them since he was 19 and now is in his 50’s never having worked ever.. but it’s all due to my parents favouritism that’s created and nurtured an absolute monster of a rat…he’s a disgusting person. That’s how strong their belief that a son is the only thing that matters forget the 4 daughters that have financially supported our parents, deal with all daily life needs, but the son spends all their money that they now don’t have to pay for their care as they’re getting old.
It’s so sad. Never did I ever imagine to be outright told by my parents that I don’t matter and only their son is important.
The blood line is passed through the son and that’s why he’s seen as godly. This is an extreme case in the Chinese culture. Never been so sad ever 😢