Watch this: Are you still sending money home at your detriment?
Watch this: Are you still sending money home at your detriment?
Watch this: Are you still sending money home at your detriment?
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Phrankleen, Phrankleen, Phrankleen this video showed up on suggested videos for me, but I know you from somewhere outside of youtube, definitely not facebook. Maybe instagram…Wow this video is a year old and yet meant so much to me. My husband and mother-in-law sends so much money back home when my husband has other responsibilities here right in the states. When you marry, you forsake all others. There's nothing wrong with helping, but my husband has 5 other siblings living within the diaspora who could be helping. My husband is being used and I don't like it!
This is Asian parents too. My Mom sent money home to distant relatives in the 80ās while I got toys and clothes from the dumpster. I refuse to do this to my family.
Self inflicted SLAVERY to family and friends.
any serious nigerian lady looking to settle down , have kids and decent family should pls. contact me.
As a African American born in the U.S., it's a shame that Africa has been selfish and THE MOST selfish in the Black Diaspora because the Black Americans that are here in the States, worked for rights, economy, education and everything that has made a way for Africa to move here and establish their lives and they have prospered GREATLY…even spitting and looking down on the Black Ameircans that were born here that fight the RACIST WHITE SUPREMACY here in the U.S., they never want to connect with us here and they were so slow and just now getting around to welcoming Black American's to come back home from being separated by Slavery. Only now are African leaders speaking about returning back home after the disconnect due to slavery. Only times Africa connected to Black Americans is through scamming and scam marriages. God will Punish them that did this. Every nation of White, Latin, and Natives around the world…makes a pathway to their diaspora. All but the continent of Africa. Africa willingly allowed the colonization and didnt fight…except South Africa…and even now in Nigeria they are allowing the Chinese to recolonize them…have their baby's so that the Chinese man can take their land rights. There is no connection, empathy, love, connection. Africa is the only nation in the world that houses every other nation to have access and unlimited access to the continents resources….all but the people that look like them.
Emotional blackmail and threats all the time. A mother saying God is going to punish you when I die not because you are not sending her money but because its not coming at the specific time she wants ( and that you are not financing onother siblings wedding ).
black people everywhere are different and the same at the sametime
Those off us who give have experienced extreme poverty and know how much a dollar, food or kind gesture can change the course of someone's life. In most cases it was one of many opportunities that brought us out of poverty. Our lives are very hard and getting $ is difficult. In "3rd" world countries you can multiply that by 10 or 100. The key to helping is setting a budget. Another is to vet individuals properly like you would an investment, a cell phone, clothes, shoes, restaurant, car, insurance, doctors, boyfriends, girlfriends, Starbucks coffee, video games, apps, jewelry, clubs, vacation travel destinations etc. Do a little due diligence & speak to the source of debt then pay debtor directly. I leave a portion of the bill so they pay a portion too. I'll be like "oops, my bad, you gotta pay the rest" like 10% or 5ā°. This way they buy into it & have to decide if they really need XYZ by sacrificing thier own money. If they f' it up they're losing their money too. Get receipts & check fees on school & hospital websites or WhatsApp them. If they lie about anything, I give them a very stern warning that if I catch them in another lie they're cut off FOREVER! The people who only call for money I block they asses! Never just send people money for nothing. Make their asses work for it! "Ok, I need you to go to Grandma's house (or aunties house, local school, church etc) and see what needs fixing". Everyone can watch YouTube videos on repairing anything. Those foo's be painting (I buy pain), feeding animals, delivering supplies, bags of rice, oil, flour, millet etc to schools, Grandma's & Aunite houses. Thier asses be sweeping, cleaning up gardens, raising chickens, feeding dogs, selling eggs, painting rooms & exterior house, digging drainage holes, changing lightbulbs & working with repair technician as an assistant carrying shit & running to get supplies. You'll easily find out who just wants cash or who is in need! Don't just cut off a whole community and over-generalize. People want to do good. They also want to make a mentor proud. If you are an ATM you'll get treated like one. If they see their own growth & you form a bond with them they're very appreciative. But you can never let you gaurd down because they're still human & have peer pressure & daily propaganda from Internet, music videos etc. Research has shown that China's rise to financial success was largely due to the Chinese diapsora giving time & money. They didn't have support from anyone else in the world & no mass injection of cash from 400 years of free labor in form of African slave trade & slave breeding farms. In fact, Britain attacked China & forced them to open up for trade with Europe then forced them to buy massive amounts of Opium (heroin) to sell to drug dealers to sell to Chinese population. At one point 60% of Chinese population was addicted to Opium (opiods). China eliviated their drug problem in under 5 YEARS! Ex-colonial nation's, especially Africa, are in the same situation that China was in 100 years ago. These countries are forced to take loans & basically give thier resources away for free while the people starve, no access to clean water education or healthcare. Please don't stop giving. Just be thoughtful in your giving.ā¤š
It's emotional Blackmail if the people you're sending money to are people that didnt help you get to where you are now. The majority of us couldn't have gotten to where we are without BIG family sacrifices! You were chosen as the champion for your family. Budget into your financial plan. We all spend money daily on dumb shit! Clothes for 50% off, Starbucks, cellphones, cars, jewelry, video games, apps, furniture etc. especially for our spoiled ass children! That's where the Emotional Blackmail comes from, our children! Trim back some of that Doodad spending and help a man to learn how to fish. Teach your children about what you are doing and show them the importance of giving back. Try to have them see how these people are living by visiting family. Then let them decide if they want to help in some way instead of buying gear, cellphones, eating out, apps, etc. "Can't send children to college" is subjective and sounds personal IMHO! Which colleges are these spoiled ass kids talking about? Most people don't save up for children's college anyway. Children need to know rhat if they want a choice of name brand collges they see on TV, they better get the grades for Academic Scholarships, pt blank! For instance, these children don't agree with the wisdom of their parents and attend Community College 1st then go to state University afterwards. They want name brand Universities that are crazy expensive even if parents saves every penny through not giving to family back home. Even if parents saved money for children it will never be enough especially if you have more than 1 child. State Universities tuition is around $13,000 to $15,000 a year alone. Private schools are $30k to $80k tuition. Even if a parent has 529 tax free college savings plans for each child, the reality is that it will be a drop in the 4 year University education bucket especially with muitlple children. And don't have the stock market tank on your ass right before your child is about to enroll! We recently built an investment home and Dental/medical clinic in Rwanda. My daughter who almost lost her mind wanting to Howard University in which she got full scholarship with exception of room and board ($35k a year for 4 years) wanted us to sell our legacy properties to help he cover her rent and living expenses in DC! Proir to receiving a full scholarship to Stanford University, my eldest was expecting us to pay $60k a year for 4 years of his undergrad education! We let jim know that if he doesn't get that scholarship he has a set amount that will cover state Universities and the rest is on him. We weren't going to take out a 2nd mortgage or go into dept & sacrifice our retirement and dreams of opening a clinic in Rwanda! Boy bye!
Mine was through a spiritual father, I was told I had to give monthly sacrifices and a lot of my income away to God, Iām happy I got away from that toxicity. If anything, it was used as a manipulation tactic to please God and be seen as a good daughter lol
My mum tried to groom me into taking care of my extended family once sheās no more and I told her no. She should find someone else to do it cuz it aināt gonna be me. She called me selfish but after she herself realized how much draining they were to her she had to stop answering those phone calls.
You are so right!!!!
Right here in America my husbandās family down south use to always ask for money. My mother pointed out that they were taking our GRAVY, thus leaving us with Nothing!
Turns out they really didnāt give a Dā¦about us at all.
Thanks for the content.
They think we are their ATM machines. How long we going to be ATM machines to people who don't want to take take care of themselves?
I learnt a new expression. Degree in emotional abuse. Well said
It takes courage to let go of habits that no longer serve you.
Speaking of college fund for my son. I havenāt been putting any Money away for that. This has hit hard and as I speak I will be opening a savings account for him. I feel so bad now š
My cousin was married to a nigerian man who did this. Sent more $$ home than he placed in his own household. He is now in his 70s, divorced w/o a sustainable retirement. My cuz got theš
You were spot on from the start. My elders accidentally created generational poverty by moving for work, working long hours in low paid, labour intensive jobs then living on a micro budget with their children not just because this country is an expensive place to live but because they had to send money and gifts, save money for their trips over there where they then have to take a tonne of cash over there to pay for more stuff.
Money, perceived lack of money, debt, overdrafts, secind jobs, horrible jobs we have stayed and never rocked the boat because money is money, exhustion, misery, judgement and entitlement to others resources because 'we're all in this together' are all normal. My grandparents never wanted their families contacting their children for money but it made no difference, my grandpa's death was prime opportunity for begging and my grandmother, who actively told her side off for going around her to us for extra money is ignored, yet my mother and her siblings have been raised with the belief that their relatives, who are homeowners (one who had a house built from the ground up by my grandmother admitted the handouts she gets were her income, yet she's been married twice and has children) don't have anything and need help.
Today I'm shaking off the uneasiness I feel at spending my money I earned, I'm no longer explaining and justifying things like why I ate takout twice a month when I could have cooked and why I'm not checking in on everyone, they don't do the same.
They'll call you stingy, p3p3, mumu, mugu–all sorts of names, but in the end, you are only all you've got. Say no to leeches and vipers, they'll ruin you, your health, peace of mind and ultimately your finances if you don't set up boundaries.
If you can't help them don't belittle their struggles because you are not in their shoes. I've been in their shoes before and now in America. Don't poison anyone's mind. There is nothing wrong with African culture. Stop the self hate. This bastardazing of African culture is such a nonsense! We are communal and let it remain so. If you can't help anyone let it remain there. Don't convert anyone.
It is Western nonsense. The African culture is different. We are communal and should not lose that value. So much depression abroad and its because of their individualistic lifestyle. I speak from the US
Intellectual talk as always. I can totally relate to this. Thanks for sharing šš½
Thanks for posting this Video up. Much appreciated. All we can do is to help those back home when we can but also be very careful of who we help. Simple as it is. We all have monthly expenses and bills to always pay no matter where we reside. And yes, it is true. Inflation is everywhere in this present world we all reside in. Peace and God bless…
Thank you for your honesty!
Bro you are spot on every time. I thought you need to see this YouTube shorts. I donāt know this manās situation. He has probably spent the cream part of his life sending money to family members back home or he is one of those that moved abroad leaving the sustained life he lived back home. I know this is all assumptions but it makes me sad to see this man in this situation. https://youtube.com/shorts/fW1BqemOk2A?feature=share
What you just described in this video is a summary as to why the African American community has failed due to the social welfare system.
Well said @Phrankleen – it's about time people smell the coffee, say no to manipulation, and don't fall for their sense of entitlement, you don't owe them anything. Charity is a different ball game, and encourage people to give to charity if you can afford to (after creating wealth). But this "I need to feed a thousand mouths because that is what is required of me" needs to be buried. I've been advocating this for years and have been branded all sorts of names. Long story short, I live in peace, and have enough for me and my family cos they know me as Dr No (no pun intended). Start saying no and see the freedom you will find. Thank you for putting this out there so eloquently. Keep up the good work
"All they ever want is to fleece you to death" We need to learn to get a back bone and stand up for ourselves. Period!!!
Before semi retiring and relocating back to Abuja, Nigeria I used to advise my fellow Nigerians living and working in the UK only to send money back home you don't need to moan about.
Why send money home at an amount that you have to moan and begrudge others.
Stand up to those demanding for YOUR and inform them of the amount you can afford. If they are not happy about it then find others who are.
And let's be honest some who are doing it are doing it to pretend and show off to their contacts in Nigeria
As an ADOS man, I was under the understanding that African countries economies relied on remittance from the Diasporia
Why not see it from this point you left because you couldn't make it here. Blame yourself for trying to influence by the money you sent instead of investing to bring people up. You got it all twisted because you want to eat your cake and have it. Nobody back home is asking money to do birthdays, burials or go clubbing they ask to survive.
Stop sending the money you need for your children's education nobody asked you for that but the money you spend on clubbing, drinks etc use it wisely to invest or bring that brother over see this as the tax you are not paying to country that raised you, see it as the sacrifice. Kindlly put yourself back in their shoes to check if you will not do the same.
Totally,
That's what my father did to us
If you can fill up a bottomless pit, you have my support to continue sending money home recklessly.
You have said it Phrankleen!! I realized a long time ago how blessed I and my siblings have been. Our parents, aunts grandparents being from the Caribbean, the focus was and is different. Education first, thatās all that was required of us; no one looking for anything. I feel so Blessed as I hear from some of my Nigerian friends and some of what theyāve been through by FAMILY!!!! in particular!!!
Must have BOUNDARIES. Say it sister! Say No!!!
Papy Phrankolano – just saw this short clip on this topic and thought it would be of interest:
https://youtu.be/VGWvBqu9D1I
The key word is entitlement. It could be family, friends, ex-coworkers, ex-classmates, etc. They feel entitled to your money. After all, money grows on trees abroad, right? š¤¦š¾āāļø
I arrived in the country. My niece drives up in her BMW. We go to make groceries
I pay. I used cash and I gave the change to my brother who lives in the country. My niece asked me for money to top up her phone. I told her to ask her father. I went shopping before for trip to the country and brought things for that niece. Guess they just greedy.
šš¤š¤š¤š thanks for this eye opening video.