Torn To Shreds By My Father š„ // SAY IT LIKE IT IS – Ep 74
Torn To Shreds By My Father š„ // SAY IT LIKE IT IS – Ep 74
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I can never understand why some of us women mal-treat our husbands child/children from previous relationships. I have a son that met that treatment. I myself have step- children (adults) now and I treated them like my own, they call me mom. What does taking out anger on the children solve when they had nothing to do with anything. Princess keep your head up and move on from Dad and his evil wife. Karma will deal with her.šš¾ā¤ļø
Self preservation is a necessity for good mental health. CUT THEM ALL OFF THERE TOXIC CONDUCT IS KILLING YOU.
As watching this video, it did re-iterate what I normally say even to my husband, who is Nigerian & an Igbo man. That if & when children's Mother dies, those children are or will be like ORPHANS. I'm talking about a Real Mother, a Woman who gathers her young, Loves,Sacrifices & takes care of her household, the one that will kiss her child's boo-boo & that child stops crying & laughs,that's the kind of a Mother I'm talking about. The are FEW Father's who will Step up like that, they are Exceptional Father's & Men. I Respect them. Sadly most men will quickly get married & those Motherless children will be treated with EXTREME HATRED like this. It's SAD when a Woman who gave Birth I'll treat children like that. She SHOULD IGNORE HIM, he was NOT A GOOD FATHER .
My mom always said that the one thing she wanted out of life is to live to see her children grow into adults because she didn't want anyone to come and mistreat her children. I fully understood where she was coming from because as you have said, most step parents ill treat stepchildren.
Need check the history of his fatherās upbringing as we know, abused. Abuse abused š
Most Step kids are manipulative and evil!
Your dad is to blame, regardless of what your stepmother did. Your dad failed as a father!
The father is complicit. He looked the other way. He didnāt protect them. The stepmom wears the trousers. Shameful. I would keep my distance, get some emotional support and not yield to blackmail.
Trust me Franklin, the perpetrators don't see the ill treatment they met out to these children. Everything becomes too emotional and they are led to believe they are doing the right thing for the child. In this scenario, the step mum subconsciously assumes the children are rivals in the house and she'll treat them as such unfortunately. On the flip side, the advise I can give is that even though the children have been scared, ironically, they've been given the greatest power any child can have! Ask me what it is…. ? It is the power of self drive, power of determination, power of seeking justice, power of self motivation WHICH if channelled accordingly to the right thing e.g. Sports, education, business etc, they are destined to make it in life and then write all the wrongs
Honestly I could really go in on this one but I won't. This lady needs to try her best to get some type of social housing or rent privately. As for what she's going through, her health will just get worse as stress is the number one killer.
Please sister you are reading the comment section and see this message, please get some help with housing ASAP and love your Dad from a distant. I wish you good health sister
Thanx 4 this video. This is just a sad, sad one: very common. When my ex-husband remarried, I immediately, called, chatted with the new wife, felt her pulse and her head space. Now, my ex (whom I put thro' college:twice) and I have a daughter who is disabled. What this new wife said to me on the phone about my precious daughter, I cried daily for one year. According to her, amongst a host of other things, my daughter can come to her Dad's whenever she wants but she is not allowed inside the home. She (this new wife) would meet my child outside in the street. I knew then that I better stay alive and well. Thanx, u post very thought provoking materials. U r doing a great job.
But how is it that some people are just pure evil. How can you treat children like this even if they are not yours. Please stay away from this family and don't make contact, don't even let them know where you live. You can just call your dad once in a while if you feel like.
I can't believe this could happen in this part of world. šš
This may sound very un-Naija but Im going to say it, explore the possibility of pressing charges against your step mother. She has been abusive to you and your brother and that is so wrong on so many levels. Her actions were criminal and Im sorry but your father failed you. If I were in your shoes, I would confront him, call him out on his ish too. He had one job, which was to protect you and your brother and he failed. Its sad that he would focus on taking care of a whole church congregation and not take care of his own two children. And Im assuming this step-mother is a Christian too (First Lady of the congregation) and she has treated them so bad. God doesnt sleep and will deal with her ever so severely.
For those who are saying this young lady is an adult and she should move on, please she needs to heal and address these things because she is broken however there is healing available through counselling services and other means, do whatever works to get the healing that you need. I wish great things for you and your brother but please take care of yourself.
Yes you are right Phrankleen, what goes around comes around, this is my story as well, though my mum didn't die, but my parents got separated when I was a teenager, we were six of us, my younger brother our first son died in the process of all this maltreatment, my dad's wife was very wicked, but now we are all grown, all living fine, Dad is dead, and the woman still lives in the village,…so my advice to the lady is to move on with her life, because that their Father is not responsible, we were told then by our relations that my dad's wife used voodoo on him,…anyways that is history now…everything will be fine with her and her sibling, time will tell.. Thanks so much Phrankleen for what you are doing.
Women don't marry a man with kids if you have no heart. The kids come with the package. You can't expect them to disappear. Men stop marrying women who don't love your existing children. Don't be an idiot.
Phranleen I hope you do a FLU with your cases. God continue to bless and protect you and yours IJMN.
This children turn out well and the other children might be useless no offence. Find a job rent room in a house and start from there. Be very prayerful. If you have papers go through the system. Its well. What don't break you will strengthen you.
I can definitely relate, as I lost my mum at 8 and joined him with his wife in the UK. but I can only say my self and my sibling broke through by been focused on our study and career and we are better off now. Though my siblings don't talk to my dad. I only do because my husband wants me too. My father knows he did wronge but still struggles to apologise. Keeping at arms lent was definitely what I do.
Yeap! No more emotional blackmail !!! We as Africans have to emancipate ourselves not only from mental slavery as sang by the great Bob Marley, but by anything and anyone that brings us pain,suffering and strive.especially by FAMILY
People who need ministering to ministering to others. His house is on fire and he is trying to put other people's fire out. I hate hypocrite. There are things I will like to say to the father, but its not appropriate for this forum. As for the sis writing, I will advice she and her brother work together to forge a different future. If she is not educated, try and get some education so you can move up the career ladder. Try and get some therapy. This kind of events can have significant impact on your mental health if proper treatment is not sort.
I would advise taking a break from your step mother and father to rebuild your life. Itās not too late some people are just evil. The man knows about it and not doing much to intervene is plain wrong and asking them to come to his church to keep up with appearances smh
From my experience, African Men are nicer to their stepchildren than women are.
Its a problem of having a weak parent. Sometimes its the dad, other times the mum. A strong and protective parent would set boundaries on how their child/children should be treated.
For her well being, she has to be tough and start making decisions to benefit her even if weak dad likes it or not.
Best to take control of her life. Make plans, set goals, have fun. Keep toxic people away.
About Karma remember, karma needs no menu. One gets served what one deserves.
Best luck to the young lady and her brother!
The lady has to face the fact that the father is also part of their abuse. He just didnt have the courage to put the children of the 1st wife out. Their plan was to abuse you guys till you end up in the system, runaway or leave one way or the other. Your mistake was believing your father loved you, he never did. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'm speaking from experience.
She should stay away, if family is toxic, it should be cut off. The poor girl needs to move on away from all of them
Good lord who gives the right to people to treat others so inhumanly šššš
Phrankleen I ā¤ the way you addressed this šÆ.
To this beautiful lady, your future is incredibly bright…however you have work to do…I pray God gives you the strength to MAKE A CHOICE to be a survivor and not a victim.
You and your brother were and probably are still in the midst of trauma(you will never forget it, however its effect in your life can be diminished)
Dont even focus on your stepmum, she was dead wrong! However your father ALLOWED IT, strive to forgive her for your own good, let the universe deal with her. Karma is not HEALING!
You cannot force your dad to acknowledge his shortcomings, even if he does you get instant gratification which is fleeting. it has to happen organically, and believe me when it does, its typically in bits and pieces. His acknowledgement will give you closure, but closure is not HEALING.
Healing for you will start when you are out of the toxic environment,(that doesnt necessarily mean discarding your father) talk to professionals, support groups I find to be more organic hence more effective than therapist IMO. Ultimately you must deal with this trauma because regardless of how successful you become, you will struggle emotionally especially in relationships if not dealt with. Keep your brother very close. I dont know you, but I ā¤ you and wish you the best in good health & sound mind. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
Some people don't understand the whole concept of stepparenting. The key word there is "parenting". If you are not ready for it, please don't marry someone with children. If you have children and wish to remarry, please choose wisely. I hope that the young lady finds peace and moves on with her life. No point living in the shadows of the past. A therapist can help if she wants one.
I have no doubt about this type of stories. I went through in my step mum's hand growing up as a little child. This make me cry. There are lots of wicked step mum out there. I still have to talk about my own story and also write a book about it. Life is so unfair. I pray for strength for you and your brother.
Firstly, let me stand in the gap and apologise to you and your brother as well as everyone who has had this as their reality on behalf of all men and all Nigerians.
Wishing you and your brother full recovery from your health situations.
Let's not be overly sentimental about it, the only invitation to 'his church' that the sperm donor can give and you might want to consider is if he says he is going to stand before the congregation and openly admit his wrong doings. To have remained silent makes him an accomplice.
As we know, in our community so called 'calling from GOD' or 'Anointing' is sexually transmitted, or how else will explain all these 'Pastors & Pastors (Mrs)'?
Your so called step mom will soon be a minister(?) in that same business centre (church?), if she isn't already.
Your wellbeing depends on you distancing yourself from these people.
Try and get professional help as well.
Stand strong and stand tall!!!
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So unfortunate… i advise her to stay away from them and put in all her energy in becoming successful. No father should allow a wife treat their children that way.
You are 31 or 21 you said , if 31 i believe what is important now is you. I call it face front. You live in the Uk which is good, go look for a job, try to find part time work if you are in uni… may you heal fast but the emotional healing will take awhile , for you to heal you need to leave the environment. Be brave , draw your brother closer. Find a nice 1 bed apartment and move on with your life. Tell your father you will visit him when you can and if you cant call him when you can. Dont feel guilty whatsoever, you need to heal first when you are ready for relationship, you can visit for now, love you. God wants you happy always remember that.
Some parents are toxic. The lady's dad sounds like that. I'd cut him off until he was willing to address the issue and take responsibility for his role in it. The stepmom and her kids, she's better off leaving out of her life. I have no respect for anyone who stands by and allows their partner to abuse their child!