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My husband was raised by a bipolar alcoholic father. I think that the child needs to know his father’s behavior is inappropriate!!!
The second I stopped making excuses for his behavior my kids wanted NOTHING to do with him.
Sometimes protecting the each parent in a divorce leaves the kids open to feeling inadequate & that it’s them having something wrong with themselves and not the parent. Lying or embellishing is not acceptable though
Lying is not a good approach
Yes he is correct not yo bad mouth the other parent
Also don’t tell your kids over and over again the time the other parent tried to kill you when they were too young to remember. It may cause major issues later and drive up the therapy bills you should pay later to fix the trauma you caused. Yeah more great memories from my childhood. Good time! Good times! 😝
Covert narcissist counter parenting.
Where’s the justice of dealing with an evil parent, who’s terrorized & gaslighting their Autistic adult daughter with the help of the legal system, ??? 😞😞😞😞😞
It's just good manners. You have to respect your kids and not trash their Mom or Dad! You can talk about how you feel, and how it pains you, but trashing someone's parent is just out of line.
My parents had a brutal divorce. I would never do to my kids what my parents did and drug us through. I’m so thankful conparenting is a thing and that people are doing the best they can for their children while apart. My parents pitted us against them and that was really hard to navigate as a child.
I consciously tell my kids about how their father and I met, where we traveled, the things he taught me, what our honeymoon looked like and how we celebrated our wedding anniversaries. They understand perfectly well why I divorced him, I don’t need to go into that. They know him. But they do need to know they were born into a loving relationship.
Then tell them why the WHY is everything
I was 5 i was explained why a family member cheated and why he was wrong. I kept my mouth shut and played it cool. Years later u realize how toxic they was
No if they are bad talk to your kid on why they are bad. At least the kid knows who to trust
What do you do when the other parent is trying to turn your kids against you by telling them lies? You could lose them if you don't have a chance to defend yourself.
The relationship between me and my fmr-spouse is not the same relationship as between my kids and their parents.
We might think we're trying to "warn them" about the other parent but all they can hear is that they (the child) are a mistake, that half of them is detested/defective, and that loving that other parent is a betrayal to the parent directly before them.
I've had my kids use these words "you've never loved Parent". My response is always to look them in the eyes and respond with "you do know there's three of you, right? how do you think that happened?".
I tell my kids that mutual incompatibility happens.
When occasion calls I do let my kids know that their features I love the most about them are from my co-parent and that they've made it their own.
When it's a feature that is infuriating, I remind myself that I am dealing with my child not my fmr-spouse, and this is learnt behaviour.
I threw "just like your Parent" at my 16yo once (totally the wrong thing to do) and the look of betrayal in Miss-16's eyes I knew I fvcked up.
I'm grateful that our child custody consent orders included don't talk bad about your spouse clauses. I think they all should.
Facts!! And you would be surprised at how much respect your children will give you when you actually talk good about the other parent.
Always tell your kids the truth. They usually know more than you think. Tell them in an age appropriate way if they arent an adult. For one, you dont want your stbx to manipulate the situation and turn them against you
Omg that is so true.
My parents divorced and didnt say bad things about each other. Its hard enough for all as it is.
I wish it was that simple when my parents split. 😅 my mom was going to wait till after I graduated but then said screw it and left. I'm not going to get into detail.
The problem with bad mouthing the other parent is that it then makes the kids the backstop for volleying the rage and hurt off of them.
One thing my ex wife likes to weaponize is my career which involves me traveling. And it’s passive aggressive.
“You know your dad’s job…he’s just gone sometimes so he can’t see you all the time…”
And I tell the kids, some people travel for their careers and are gone sometimes. Airline pilots, truckers, people in the military who get deployed, oil rig workers, commercial fishermen. The list goes on. Are those bad people and parents also?
So if she spasms why?? What do you say?? I don’t know? Lies, you know! Speak the truth. Children are not stupid – they know!
This is the most asenine general comment – if a spouse is abusive, the children need to know this and be careful! Telling the truth is NOT talking bad.
My daughter is only 1 but I don't want to talk bad about her dad. I know she'll figure out who he is, and unfortunately he'll probably break her heart too, but I'll be there to pick up the pieces. Her uncle and grandpa too, she loves them so much.
I left my ex-husband when our son was 3 months old due to DV. We never spoke badly about each other. When our son was six, he wanted to know why we weren't together since we got along so well. I told him when he turned 16 that I would tell him. I never thought anymore about it, but on his 16th birthday, he asked me. I sat him down and told him without all the details. He was so upset that his Dad would do that to me, and I told him people do change and not to be upset with him. I also pointed out that he had been married to his wife for years, and he had never witnessed him being mean or disrespectful to her. Thankfully, he understood and forgave his Dad like I had.
Me and kids nother are great friends and support each better than when we were together….For the kids and becuase if you truly love them you will work on things and not hurt them.
Nope. She will be painted in the colors she wears. Technically I found out from my 5 and 8 year old at the time she was f**** all of my friends and had secret boyfriends… 6 years down the road they didn't remember any of it. The only reason they know now is because I was having a conversation with one of my friends while they were over and they overheard. But I believe in being honest with my children about everything. When they asked me i told them. When child support was brought up I brought up that she owed me $20,000. Of course the statue of limitations leaves that in the past. As she told me when I brought up the money "there's a system in place to make sure you pay me there is not a system in place to make sure that I pay you… " I have always had a better relationship with my daughters and she has and it is my saving Grace I get to smile in that stupid b**** face every time she finds out something new that I have known about. The most wonderful thing I can say in any given time is that if you were a better mother maybe they would tell you…🤭
Women do more for Andrew Tate then he could ever accomplish on his own!😅
Thats really good advice. No matter how much I love my dad, every time he says something bad about my mom (theyre divorced), I realise he's an asshole.
I was old enough when they got divorced to realise he wasnt all sunshine & daisies – neither of them were.
Tbh, I'd actually blame his alcoholism more for their situation than anything else
However, while my mum limits talking ill of him, he simply cannot stop. 🤷♀️
Both of my parents would trash talk each other all the time. They'd always say it in front of me and my siblings. My mother even admitted to trying to kill my father. 🥴 She thought it was funny. 🤦♀️
My mom left my dad when I was 6. She married another man and fought with him day and night, nonstop. She really had me believe that she was the victim.
When I became a mother, I realized that she was, in fact, the abuser.
The cruelty of adultery and all its lies leaves victims. Especially the spouse left behind. They are victims and should be treated as such and doctors like you should have more sympathy. It’s not okay. None of it is ok but if you commit adultery you should NOT be allowed custody and you should be vilified by the courts. Only that will stop family breakdowns. Creating a culture where ‘everything is ok’ is selfish, cruel, vile. There is always a victim and it is the one left behind to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives. Personally I would make it a criminal offence but there are too many adulterers especially male in the judiciary.
I watch these and listen for my own husband's voice.
Outstanding advice
If he tells his daughter, mom doesn't want him in her life, this will cause resentment towards mom.
Sorry but children deserve to know the truth so they can make a choice.