Emotional Neglect: Healing From The Hidden Trauma Of What Didn't Happen
Emotional Neglect: Healing From The Hidden Trauma Of What Didn't Happen
Videos Referenced:
Recommended Reading:
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb: https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/
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I found this so overwhelming. That you have to go out and do this and that in order to get better and it's just too much right now. Feels like what I've been doing isn't enough. Just scared and angry. I guess it's the toxic shame.
in a nutshell: we are screwed
How many people heard, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”?
Thank you so much for this video ❤ I have gone through a painful divorce recently and have been watching your videos and they have been a huge support 🩷
I’d like to ask how I can be a better parent who can associate with kids’s emotions🙏✨🎉
I’m looking forward to your further works. Thank you so much!
Okay you're a good YouTuber you're good you are saying smart things
Yes
This is me yeah
I don't hate you
I like this channel :] yeah
I was crying
Thank you this is very good video
😭😭😭😭😭
I can’t remember the last time I actually cried, but this video brought me there and I needed it
I have to keep tracking back on this video because trauma self/dissociation keeps happening whenever you say something so counter from what I've learned as a child
28:15
I love the way you explain things there's been a couple things I've learned from your videos since I got out of my 90 day treatment because I was drinking alone
I became disassociated and got into survival mode fight and flight mode. This actually worked for me to sort my life out but now that I'm sorted with career and financially ok now I get flash backs of different events in my past that I locked away and now it's like I'm having to deal with them.
Wow. This was amazing! Thank you!
Thanks!
Moore Cynthia Hernandez Anthony Hall Robert
Man, I'm being read to filth.
Lee Frank Rodriguez Shirley Hernandez Sharon
As a child, I could return home from school in tears, and tell my mom that I had been bullied. Her response to me as a child was "Just pretend it doesn't matter, and ignore it. Ignore your feelings. They only do it to get a reaction."
As an adult I confronted her about this. Told her if she realized how damaging it is to tell a child to ignore and detach from their emotions, and that things like that have given me scars that I am struggling with, and working on it is really hard.
Her response to me was. "So what? Should I have felt sorry for you?" Said in a really demeaning tone.
That was the moment that I truly realized how emotionally neglected my childhood had been, and dysfunctional my relationship to my parents are today. I realized in that second I would never be able to get the emotional support I deserved from them. And that was such a huge step in my healing. Because in knowing they don't have the emotional capacity or tools to ever be able to give it to me. Moving forward from that experience I realized I wouldn't ever get it from then, because they are not capable of giving me any. And that made me capable of realizing… Their lack of emotional support and validation isn't reflective of my worth.
Do you have any insight on what might be driving thoughts about myself possibly being crazy. It’s a fear.
Heidi. I am 71 and absolutely gobbling up your info to us damaged souls but please can you perhaps say it a little slower. Every word you tell us are pearls if wisdom but its a lot to process. It astounds me how spot on you are with understanding us damaged and healing people. I can only think you must have lived this yourself to be able to reflect it back to us so accurately. If you are not a counsellor you should become one. You are the best i have ever listened to. Please go a bit slower its so valuable to grasp and process every word you say. Thank you. .
Wow – excellent video. I am the youngest of six children and was six when my father died. No one grieved or talked about as it was too upsetting to our mother. My mother was chronically depressed, her dreams were shattered, and she was resentful that she was stuck with six kids between 6 and 16. As soon as each child reached 18, they left, never to come back. I became invisible and tried to make up for all the other dysfunction caused by my siblings. Each one acted out in different ways. And yes, my mother would say to me occasionally “I don’t think i’m going to make it until then end of the year”. So I tried to be perfect and not cause problems — all at the expense of developing my own identity. My childhood was not a happy one. Today I suffer from many of the things that Heidi discussed here — probably all of the things. I’m 62 and have been in weekly (now every other week) therapy for 18 months. It’s helping but I feel like I still have a long way to go. Disassociating was my go-to. Heidi, thank you for the video.
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Due to my emotional neglect as a child, I was right when I was 12 and didn’t realize it was rape until I was 30 because I thought I deserved it emotional neglect really messes up an adult. I had to have a sociology psychologist explain how it can ruin your life.
Oh my God, I need to talk to you. I need a session with you! My grandson lost his dad who he lived with when he was eight who happened to be my son. Now the mother has cut me off with From all contact verbal contact everything from my grandson. She isolates him and manipulates and she’s a narcissist. All that matters is how she feels. He can’t express his feelings, his negative his anger his hurt anything. He’ll get in trouble for it. He would have meltdowns at my house, screaming screaming, screaming, and throwing his things, but he never damaged anything. I gave him one chair that he could not throw across the room, but you know he could rock really hard or punch it or whatever and what he would do when he would have these meltdowns is he would gently lay it on it side. I tell his mother about this and she that it never happens at her house. Due to her narcissism, I don’t respond but what I would’ve said to a normal person is that’s because my house is a safe space to be himself and express his emotions your house is not a safe place because he would get punished for that behavior.
Emotional neglect is worse than physical abuse, and the reason I say that is because when you are physically abused, there are marks that show you are being abused when you’re emotionally neglected nobody can tell that there’s anything wrong or that you have been mistreated even yourself can’t tell as a child
I’m big time in on this subject! How early? If emotional neglect (that I remember) is age 4. My whole life I was told if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. Now as an adult, I understand that I was it was drilled into my head that if I had any negative feelings if I was sad, mad hurt anything it wasn’t important and I see my grandson going through that with his mother right now so I am, I am passionate about fighting her to give me access to him so that he can understand. He knows that his feelings means something to me. When he was eight, he asked me out of the blue one time if my because I always say your mom loves you the best way she knows how when he tells me how much he hates her. And out of the blue, he says, how can my mom love me if she doesn’t care how I feel I had zero answer for that.
I've always felt that your content is undeniably filled with the most revelant and worthwhile information hands down over anybody else on you tube that I've found for me . Truly grateful for you . Thank you so much Heidi. ❤
It hit hard about death as a child. My favorite uncle was murdered, and yes, they talked about it in my presence, but the only thing I recall was, during the funeral, I was held back from trying to get to his casket. No one explained anything. Then, I also recall my parents talking, in detail about my brother's bus driver dying in a very graphic, and horrendous way he died. I knew, at four years old, exactly what they were describing. It was traumatic even above all the abuse throughout my entire existence. I believe those incidents have made me callous towards all the deaths in our family. I don't feel normal grief.
Having free worldwide access to this type of knowledge/insight/care is going to save us a species. Truly doing gods/higher power/the universes work. Thank you for sharing your life’s work with us.
My heart sank when you talked about shame. That's it 😢 It was such a deep feeling of.. overwhelm, helplessness.. loneliness. Not even sadness, just endless loneliness. I can see why our mind wants to avoid feeling that again.
I used to go to druming circles and it was o helpful to connect to other people.
Has anyone done the circling groups she talks about? I found 2 'in my area' but they're all the way in NYC or Philly which are both about an hour away from me and a bit difficult to join so I'd love to hear about anyone's experience with these groups.
Being abused by a gang , this is my story my truth , people can try to deny your reality but not when it's out there in the world. there's a video out there somewhere . there's evidence . oooo who has it . of course though this isnt true, because my truth has been completely invalidated , but, when it goes out online then people will know, won't be naming names but I will be exposing my truth , what I have experienced for 4 and a half years ,by a gang group of people with one agenda , to cancel me ,to silence me , to humiliate me , to destroy all my relationships leave me wishing I was dead . nice . would you believe this was done by people who loved me? would you believe it.