42 Years old battling with Cultural Shock and entrapped by UK Work Visa

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Phrankleen

Joined: Mar 2024
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42 Years old battling with Cultural Shock and entrapped by UK Work Visa


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42 Years old battling with Cultural Shock and entrapped by UK Work Visa

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46 Comments

  1. Why can’t you enjoy the fact that your wife can provide for you and your family. He has the opportunity to even go back to school or do something different if he wants to get out of the position he say. Or just except your position and enjoy your life with your wife. Money in status is not everything. What type of relationship do you have with your wife

  2. I am a Registered nurse and don't know anything about power point. All l know is basic computer skills. I know enough at my job and nothing else. I understand what you are saying. So true.

  3. We've all been given a gift / talent. Maybe people need to learn how to find and tap into that special gift. I think we should not be fighting to do a 'White Collar Job', but use what you came into the world with. I left a senior white collar job to start something for myself and might not be called white collar, but it's going really well and most of all I'm enjoying it. He needs to find that special flair, I just believe everybody has one; please someone tell me if I'm wrong there. It really does not matter if you are not academic. Many have gone the the vocational or entrepreneur route and have done exceptionally well. But yes, i do understand that there are some people that find it difficult to learn new things.

  4. Phrankleen, dude I badly needed the laugh 😂 and you didn’t disappoint at all.

    I really feel for the guy in your story and I hope he lasts. As an RN, I can tell you now, its very hard for those of us that are born here, never mind those in diaspora who become or work as nurses or health care assistants – its actually a lot more challenging. I think something like becoming a security guard will be more suitable for him. A lot of people do cleaning jobs, but I wouldn’t suggest that to your guy as it may completely break him. Sorting out goods for people that send their stuff back to Nigeria and other countries in West Africa – freight. Its a really good business. But I do wish him well.

  5. I hope he builds up his confidence. He has some serious transferable skills. He is a serious salesman and businessman. He has to find a way out. Hopefully, his wife can give him seed money.

  6. "It is not the strongest of species that survives nor the most intelligent rather the one most adaptable to change"- Charles Darwin
    What I would suggest for that brother are these:
    1.I want to believe they have the required papers to live legit in the UK.
    2.first of all he should acknowledge and embrace the new environment and system .Then he should study and understand how the system works
    3.What t are the requirements to get a job he would deem suitable for him
    4.If he needs to acquire some skills,how do I learn those skills?where do I learn them?what is the cost in money,time,elementary knowledge needed to acquire this skills?

    At 42 ,he can still learn a whole lot of things if he wants to.It totally boils down to him if he wants to .Fortunately for him he has wife who is a physician who I believe can also support in some ways to help him achieve some of these things .It all comes down to him if he is determined to survive in the new system .He must surely be ready to make a lot of changes to himself if he wants to live thrive in the new system .I dont see any limitations for him except the ones he set for himself

  7. The simple advise to the brother, is for him to start where he is and work his way up. This dude is only 42, and not 72. He can focus and specialise in mental health care, yes it requires some intellectual capacity, but unless there is some major mental impairment on the brother, he should be fine. They are options, he can explore, if he is interested.

  8. Me love it, but like you said, English is definately needed to work in certain jobs. I just think pride needs to go. This guy is acting like some jobs are beneath him. And so what if your wife makes more? Please!!!

  9. No job is demeaning as long as it's not against your moral chatacter. Some people came to US to walk dogs, and they make good money. People who work in stores, make a lot less than people people who work as a babysitter or home attendant or what you call carer in the UK.

  10. Educate some men Phrankleen that ego does not work in the west. Work is work. You do what you need to do to get where you need to go. He can work and go to school to get better job or start business. Many came and started from scratch. Pride cannot put food on the table.

  11. The question is,is he being maltreated by the wife? If no he should be humble himself and build his family with his wife ,he should also be greatful that he has a job.the wife is already making enough money for the family.what he is today is still much better than what he was back home.

  12. I'm going through the same thing bro, but maybe not as bad as the 42 yr old cuz I'm a Canadian but do not speak French cuz I grow up in Lagos, ppl like us are different? Many run to church, ok what about the Muslims? Remember most of them are brought up on kuran

  13. My take is, many of our people are not mentally prepared for the Western system. There's a misconception back home that life is easier in the Western world and all you just need to do is to get there. Reality hit many once they come in. This man need to make up his mind whether to adapt with his new reality or head home. He has the decision to make.

  14. Bro don't encourage laziness, back home he wasn't doing well anyway UK gave him an opportunity he never had and yet he is not happy, maybe he should just go back, is never too late to learn, in this part of UK men in their 50s are in uni studying nursing Bricklayer etc. perhaps he see those skill as degrading. You can't help someone like that

  15. This is also about adapting and if he is unable to he needs to put his ego down and work with his wife. Sweetheart, how was your day, can I make you something. He looks after the children and do the runs about for the family. His wife may get home and thinks less stressful from her day. She would see his value in the family rather than him placing his value as the breadwinner and at this point he is unable to. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️. Remember , for some Caucasian couples this is not a problem. Just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

  16. I heard of a butcher husband and Dr. wife in 9ja. The lady said she is fine with him, but I suspect she had been traumatized by some "players," so he became "good enough"…I had relatives, wife doctor, husband no known profession. They met as teenagers. She got pregnant. They were forced to get married and had their first child. She then got a scholarship to study medicine in Russia. She left, studied medicine, became an anesthesiologist, returned to 9ja and they continued their marriage, had 3 more kids, but it tumultuous because they were no longer on the same level and they lived separate lives even had other relationships, though they never officially divorced…

  17. I feel this man should stick with this job as he is getting paid and while doing this learn some useful skills so he can change his job to something he would be happier to do. It's not easy getting a job in this economy so make the most of it and try to develop yourself in the meantime it's not too late. You can learn at any age if you are willing.

  18. If you don’t like then marry your level and be quiet 🤐.

    If I’m a surgeon and marry a pineapple seller I can’t complain that he’s a pineapple seller . If it wasn’t my spec I wouldn’t marry him in the first place .

    The same should go for men. If you marry an educated woman who has a high paying job more than your own then don’t get angry or try to dim her light work with her or do better but don’t take it out on her , it’s ludicrous. If you can’t handle it don’t marry her in the first place !

  19. It takes a skill to complete a task. He has a skill set. That is why he could sell cars and do other things at home. He is not happy with his skill set. That is the problem. Every human has a skill.

  20. I laughed so hard🤣🤣. ‘Furo washing yen o derun’.
    That driving test was crazy man! I had to take it serious like one of my medical exams. I passed at my first attempt though😛😂💃🏽

  21. I love your perspective, very understanding of different personalities and challenges.
    We need more of these videos especially for my doctor colleagues with non-medical spouses. Good job Frank👍🏽

  22. Sure, English language or proficiency in English is a skill because it enhances your communication skills. How do you communicate your perspective, your grounds, when you can't communicate effectively on the job when that's the official language. How do you even sell your ideas even your ideas are brilliant, it's still useless if you can't easily or effectively communicate them.

  23. So to the person that commented "…people should have no regrets" if people didn't regret certain choices or actions, how would they learn from the error of their ways/decisions? How can people evolve to make practical and logical steps in life if they "have no regrets"? Thereby, continuing to throw caution to the wind. To have regrets or even a deeper feeling like remorse, is to LEARN FROM MISTAKES, be consciously aware, and be open to learning or being exposed to better options. Otherwise, if people continuously dismiss failed life decisions as "no regrets" they'll likely continue to live in a cycle of poor choices, live in deep denial or be oblivious to their situation, or won't hold themselves accountable for the poor life that they live based off their poor choices.

  24. IDK…perhaps the silver lining to being a caregiver is he can seek training as a CNA…highly needed now more than ever. Who knows, eventually, by becoming a CNA he can train to be a LPN and than an RN. Yet and still being a CNA offers opportunities to work at more than one nursing home or home health care business or again should he choose to advance become a nurse. Now, considering he was a hustler back in the motherland, perhaps using the same hustling flow, (assuming he can drive or has a license), Uber, Lyft, or taxi driver can be an option, or he can attempt to align his handy man skills/area of labor skill set to what would be similar/compatible to what the line of work would be in the UK (I believe that's where they relocated if I'm not mistaken) or even do a combination like working 2-3 jobs which at least being that he had already been exposed to certain lines of work, he'll likely get through a certification course easier than his classmates. Plus, both the educational support/tutelage assistance if necessary and/or financial support may be available from his wife. IDK…maybe what I'm proposing or suggesting in this chat is "easier said than done" but I figure for someone that has his background he can make a way or be innovative. All in all, if he chooses not to see or find a way out of his dilemma, maybe he can plan with his wife for him to go back to Africa and start up his own business in an environment that is more his speed…it'll be better than giving the money to others and then in essence, he's also preparing a retirement option for her too in the event she wants to retire back home or she's tired of living abroad as she gets up in age.