Why Do Parents Crush Their Children’s Dreams? // SAY IT LIKE IT IS – Ep 114
Why Do Parents Crush Their Children’s Dreams? // SAY IT LIKE IT IS – Ep 114
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This isn't just an African problem, I went through exactly the same bullshit in Australia. I was adopted here by Maltese Egyptian parents who emigrated here. I wanted to be a professional musician but my stupid parents were convinced that all rock musicians were drug addicts, guess what I became a drug addict after being forced to follow their orders.
My dream was to be a musician, my parents paid for piano lessons and I was progressing quite well but as soon as The Beatles hit the airwaves it was guitars, guitars and more guitars. I dumped the piano lessons (silly mistake) and taught myself to play guitar and that was OK but when the cultural changes came along with the hippies drugs etc my parents panicked and thought that anyone who looked like a hippy was a drug fiend. School ended in 1970 i.e. year 12 and I wanted a holiday before looking for work but my mother had arranged an interview with a bank. I should have said NO but being adopted and with low self-esteem, I went along with it. I was already playing in a band and we had a couple of gigs but they forbade any entry into the music scene. I'm 70 now and quite a good musician but I still have that chip on my shoulder which isn't good
As a female who is with a Nigerian man…i see first hand how parents manipulation can impact a persons future and their potential. He never got to do the 2 career paths he wanted to study because dad wanted him 2b a doctor..smh..this guy is a creative genius and def would not be a good doctor..he stopped at first year and it caused a rift..long story short still no degree because parents wanted this and that career..smh.It needs to stop!
Yes! I grew up with this issue with my father. College is a great path to a lucrative career, but college is treated in my household like a non negotiable and the end all be all. Now I’m dealing with marriage. In my mid twenties I was told to consider dating someone from back home chosen by my dad because “it’s my country” even though I grew up here and never been back. I was under so much pressure I eventually agreed to get to know the guy virtually. I was pushed into a an engagement eventually even applying for a k-1 visa for the guy. Even after all that I still didn’t feel deep in my heart that it was right for me. I got the strength to quit the relationship right after he got the visa. He still came to the US using that visa and called me to try to convince me to marry him. He apparently found someone to stay with on the other side of the country. Now I believe he plans to live there illegally. I’m very outraged by that. I feel used and I’d get him deported if I can.
Children need to ask their parents, Can you qualify and get the same job your implementing?
you know sometimes my mind just goes back to that guy that slept with his mother in law…….like seriously????
some parents are dream crushers for real!
200000 thousand years of African culture mandates you to guide your children to a path that will be beneficial to the society you are born. (which changes vastly from place to place and time to time.) So the same behavioral patterns that will guarantee you self fulfillment in the west will get you killed in Africa. Unless you studied how to think rather than what to think, leave each society to determine the best manner in which it should raise it's children.
You can guide your children in making choices but you shouldn't pick for them. My mum insisted that if I didn't study a medical course in the university, she wasn't paying my tuition fee.
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That's because they only bear children just because they want someone that will take care of them when they grow old…
My daughter is an illustrator and my son is a photographer/videographer he's actually gone to study photography at university. To be honest I wasn't happy about their choices but I have no control over what they want because I can't interfere with what they want to do in life.. All I said was that they be the best in what they choose. They are happy and there is no way they would change their careers cos they are so interested in it. I don't believe everyone should be engineer, doctor, accountant or lawyer though. As for me my dad died when I was young, so me and my siblings just did what we wanted as my mom couldn't be bothered. Am happy working for our NHS here in the UK.😄
Most African parents don't want to live up to their responsibilities fully. No wonder they are quick to get rid of the female child by marrying them off to well off males.Its so risky cause usually the girls are
uneducated and yet they
anticipate the same person to pay black tax whilst suffering in their old age. It's an unreasonable state of mind. We see this most of the times. Our fellow sisters are trapped and subjected to abuse in most cases,while these parents give a blind eye to the situation.
It's a thorn in our hearts. We just have to keep looking and do nothing. Crashing of generations. From Abuse to abuse.
You are so RIGHT Admin! Some Nigerians don't have the hability of parenting. Besides, Nigerian parents need to change their mindset. We are in the 21st Century to have a change of mind. Not everything they say, they think is good for their children. Finally, Nigerian parents are so fond of being VIOLENT, thinking, hitting or beating their children will let them agree to what they r asking them for. This, is another problem we have in Nigeria……
Who knew sitting in a room and playing computer games could launch a multi million dollar career? (KSI etc)
Who knew creating videos for YouTube could lead to a millionaire lifestyle. (KSI etc)
Who knew making music could project a person to being a global icon (rap music)
Who knew football could lead a person to becoming a country's president or a globally loved superstar? (G. Weah. Messi, Ronaldo)
Who knew success in any of the above could lead to a more fulfilling and wealthy lifestyle than a doctor or lawyer?
Some parents stuck in the past would frown at all of the above.
Imagine if KSI's parents stopped him from producing those shouty videos back in the day? For those who dont know, KSI is probably the biggest YouTube star in the UK. He started in his bedroom by recording himself playing computer games and making silly noises over the videos. Now imagine the average African parent's reaction to that?
One of the biggest things that contribute to this problem is that it seems that the highest achievement of an average Nigerian is to marry and bear children. And that culture has monopolized the thinking of most Nigerians in that, instead of them to think of cutting edge technological innovations that will galvanize development and create employment where people can have jobs and careers that will set the up for comfortable retirement, instead, you see women and men alike putting all their hope in their children as their ticket to comfortable retirement. Nigerians really have a long way to go. Small thing, they will say to a childfree individual, who will take care of you at old age! They can't even bring themselves to think outside the box like, I could live my life following my dreams, working hard and build Wealth and pay care givers to care for me in my old age. Nigerians need to learn the meaning of love! Basically, if you are having children so you have someone to take care of you at old age, you are basically giving birth to slaves. True love gives. Love doesn't enslave. I look forward to the century when Nigerians will grow common sense.
The problem with African parents is that you are regard as disrespectful child when you try to express your opinion .
A major reason for this situation in my opinion is the foolish unhealthy competition in the black community arising from envy and hatred for one another. African parents competing against one another push their kids into the unhealthy battle as pawns because of the bragging rights for the parents. The young generation must do away with the unhealthy competition mentality amongst ourselves. It’s sad that this is the reality of the black community irrespective of where they find themselves – Africa, Caribbean, Europe, North America, etc. You would think that going abroad would change this mentality but sadly not true. Let’s do away with envy and hatred for one another but rather be supportive.
This personally happened between my father who wanted me to be a medical doctor and I in the 90s. I'm in my 40s now with 2 kids and so unfulfilled as an adult.
Parenting is a skill. Also, it involves using different correctional code on each child. We parents need to fully understand our children’s personalities before we impose any action on them. However, this generation parenting styles are completely different from the past generation.
We are smuck in the middle of the information age. Anyone can be,do or have the education they aspire to. Options and choices are more than ever…,so no excuse.
Some parents believe they know better than their children. This notion can cause an overbearing sense of control that most parents dont know when to turn off.
It can destroy marriages when, especially moms, refuse to step back and allow their sons/ daughters take their own decisions.
Greetings everyone's 🙏🏿🤲🏿
This personally happened with me and my son who's 12. He had a very innovative business idea which I didn't fully agree with because it wasn't grounded into reality. He called me a dream crusher then I brought up prominent facts that made him think & therefore made him alter his business idea to be congruent to reality. As a parent we should want our kids to dream but to be realistic with their dreams and plan out their dreams intricately to insure they'll most likely succeed. Ask questions that will make them think, guide them & encouraging their dreams with a dose of reality is key in my opinion.
Because they believe that the children can't make good decisions on their own