Why Millennial Parents Are Having Problems Raising Gen Z and Alpha
Why Millennial Parents Are Having Problems Raising Gen Z and Alpha
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THIS VIDEO
In this video we’re going to discuss millennial parenting and why they are the way they are. From generational trauma to raising iPad kids, and from gentle parenting to crunchy parents, we get into it all!
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The amount of times my Gen X parents have made fun of gentle parenting. They don’t listen to me when I say there’s a difference between gentle and permissive parenting. They’re just stuck in there ways and “if I spoke to my mother like that I wouldn’t have any teeth left”. Like congrats!?!? You want a cookie?? Hooray you didn’t abuse your child to where it permanently disfigured them!
Another thing I’ve noticed is that older gens care so much about appearances and other people’s opinions. My mom gets upset when I don’t save face for her after she’s been yelling at me, and the worst thing I could do is call her out when she’s wrong in front of other people. She cares so much about being right and in control that I feel like I’m not allowed to have a voice. (I’m gen z btw)
iPad/ gentle parent hybrid recently coming out of struggling with mental health. Got my children in counseling getting myself somatic counseling. Cut screen time and making active efforts to take them out. Still home schooling my eldest but taking more time to listen to him while guiding him to make and keep routines/ build discipline in a way that makes him feel powerful/took part in making decisions for himself at an age appropriate extent (something I didn’t have)
I am a younger millennial and I have 2 gen Alpha kids and they do have tablets. I think the difference for us is one is autistic and yes, she does use her tablet for when she's overwhelmed but now we need to move to a different approach. The tablets are active from 4pm to 9 pm and unlimited screen time on weekends and now I wanna talk to my husband about changing that because our children have manners we definitely hold them accountable for their actions but I want them to thrive in life and I would never wanna hold them back and seeing this makes me think the tablets are doing just that. Thank you!💚💚💚
You should do a video on the crunchy milleanils parents.
I am a gen alpha bron 2010 and my gen x dad who was born in 1973 said because i am the parent and i say so.
Omg Amir this was such a good video!! Also I’m v grateful that u were so thoughtful & well-researched about it too because it’s so frustrating seeing gentle parenting being dragged when it’s being entirely misrepresented! You were very balanced & compassionate for all the generations too which was refreshing.
authoritarian parenting is the "because I said so" type of parenting, everything is good or bad nothing in between and most punishments are the same. Authoritative parenting is like the " hostage negotiating parents" We have rules for these reasons, and these are the punishments for not following these rules. here there are levels of "Shades of Gray", and punishments vary depending on the level of misbehavior.
Covid did not help with properly introducing children into the world. They have been locked in for a good chunk of their lives. The Ipads were a tool imposed by the lockdown and they stayed. Again, millennials did best with what they had and are now being shamed for it 🙂
Great that is exactly what the state wants. You to beholding to the state instead of you family. That is why there is religion, those parents didn't practice forgiveness.
Agreed! Amir you are amazing 🙌🏽💚
I don’t understand why parents don’t know that screen time is the same as giving your kids drugs. I mean there’s tons of research out there about it. How are they missing this vital information about brain development and screen time?
“Gentle” parenting is just parenting, all the other styles are parents NOT dealing with their own ACEs.
I am a Gen X parent raised by boomers. My kids are millennial, zennial, and Gen z…. I can say most – because of the millennial, and my parenting style lean towards Gen X/millennial mentality. I can say I stopped spanking my kids at some point because I could tell, unlike with myself when growing up, corporal punishment did not work for my kids and I developed more of a choosing battles and love and logic parenting (the good parts of it – not the Ruby Franke version). Unfortunately, my kids and I are domestic violence survivors, and that comes with it emotional trauma and damage. I would say once that marriage ended – my style modified further into love and logic parenting…talking, not yelling and the reigns relaxed as they would get older. Meaning, when my oldest decided not to do his homework for three weeks, and was failing – he didn't get to go to lacrosse practice until he had finished it. Or when I caught him smoking weed – he was restricted for a very long time, could not get his drivers license, and was subject to random drug testing. And I swear if some millennial "gentle" parent comes at me and says "you are invading his privacy". I was not – I was keeping him from running into a concrete barricade that would have had life long consequences, and that is what parents are supposed to do AND keeping us from being evicted from our home because illegal activity (and it was then) is against community guidelines. Kids don't always grow out of "things". Not everything is a phase. Also, the reality is the abuse during my marriage was in part due to drug use (not me, but my ex).
Briefly, or maybe not so, I will touch on my own childhood. I really think younger generations – to include millennials are really mistaken about how charmed our lives were as children and young adults. For therapy, I wrote out all of the trauma and abuse I went through in my formative years, and my 50 something year old self was so overwhelmed. It took pages and pages, and I am only going to share the highlight reel. I know there are a lot of Gen X shorts about us drinking from the water fountain, seen and not heard, etc… but there is also a darker side – we were made to not talk about and forgive our abusers, and respect them (our elders). You know that grandfather or uncle who was too handsy – we were told "Give him a hug". I remember being groped in front of my parents at a very young age… there was a game called TT Twister – (changing for YouTube but you get the point). Or tickled until we couldn't breathe…. all of this taught us autonomy of our bodies and personal space wasn't a birthright. I don't know if I got that right as a parent…I think so but I will say I tried. My kids didn't see those relatives… my kids bodies weren't allowed to be violated as a joke or a game. I was super protective of them… and this isn't just me – this is most of the mothers I knew of my generation. That's why I think some are so flabbergasted when their kids won't speak to them. I also didn't talk about my childhood with my kids because -kids deserve to be kids… and many of us weren't really kids. We put them in sports, took them on trips, involved them, bought them special bandaids, and made mistakes. Gen X went the opposite way and in some ways raised some entitled kids…..
You see, we didn't have it as easy as their generation wants to think – we just didn't overshare with them. I might have been having an argument with my mother (boomer), but they never knew about it. On one occasion I recall leaving with the kids in tow because a family member made a hateful joke about the LGBTQ community and I did not want to raise them to think those jokes are funny. I grew up around insensitive jokes – about race, women, blondes (which I am)…. it was commonplace. And once we got to a place in our lives we realized that is so wrong… and we need to do better for them… so we worked hard to buy fancy houses, give them all the toys they wanted to keep up with their friends, fancy vacations, expensive cars at 16….. I was a single mom – so that didn't happen – and it was noticed…. but I think my kids are better for it. And we broke our backs to pay for it in jobs that we hated, where we were abused verbally, emotionally, at times physically…. to keep a roof over their heads…. and we did it because we love our families, and love them. I think this is why so many Gen x parents are crushed…. I am not …. I have a way of knowing things will work themselves out… and I respect my kids and their lives – but they have to respect mine as well, and my need to have enjoyment in our lives. The point I am getting at is – their grandparents did not babysit us, or them…………they did not give us homes,…. if they did its because the parent died …. and grandma and grandpa are living longer nowadays – and can say most in my generation dont' appreciate parts of our childhoods but we do love our parents… and figured out they are just humans doing their best.
Permissive parenting is laziness… it's not because they have deep psychological trauma – it's because they are selfish… that's any generation… and they will pay the price for that later.
I completely understand parents need a break, its understandable! however, parents have needed breaks for much longer than ipads have ever existed, much less technology in general. My parents would bring coloring books, activity books, etch-a-sketches, books, small pocket games, or a toy or 2 to keep me occupied while we waited for dinner. Then, when dinner came out, we would put it in my moms oversized tote bag purse every late 2000s mom had and eat dinner as a family. My parents were not perfect BY ANY MEANS. But im glad they didnt let me rot my brain till i was in middle school
I'm a gen z born with gen x parents bruh, traumatic doesn't even begin to cover it. Especially as someone who has ADHD and basically got punished for things i can't help. But thankfully i value you people not based on blood but on action. So once i move out it's no contact fr. And honestly, saying that i've emotionally disconnected from my parents now hurts. It shouldn't have had to be this way. They raised me, and things weren't always this bad. 💀💀💀
I was born on the cusp of gen x and the millenial generations. I have a son who is 18 and my daughter is turning 17 in 2 weeks. Both are very respectful, responsible and hardworking. My son worked 30 to 40 hours a week the entire time he was in high school, my daughter is involved in many school activities. The number 1 comment I got from teachers, friends parents, etc is what a pleasure they are to be around. I was strict when I needed to be (teaching them respect, but also teaching them to stand up for themselves and others, teaching them compassion and empathy. When I do something wrong I apologize. I made their home world a safe environment where they could tell me anything. My kids friends always want to be at our house because it is a safe space, many of them tell me things they dont feel comfortable telling their own parents. I had a wonderful mother who was the same way with me. We didnt have money when I was a kid but we were rich in love and discipline. I love the example creator you used for gentle parenting. I watch her stuff all the time, and she reminds me of me lol
I am a gen x child who was raised by a boomer parent who was extremely abusive and I had no voice and my parent had no respect for me or my boundaries. I waited until I was almost 40 to have a child so I could work through my own childhood issues and I continue to work on them. I would do anything to to prevent my child from feeling like I did and do. I constantly check in with my daughter and ask her how I am doing with her as a parent and how I can help her grow as a person as well as what she needs from me as a parent.
Btw gen x are rhe parents of gen z and boomers are the parents of millenials just a correction
Omg I love Gwen. ❤️ I follow her on multiple platforms, and while I dont have children, it's helping me learn for the future. Also, I just love her and her humor. She also just released a book about gentle parenting.
You have all the terms mixed up. When you say authoritative, you actually mean authoritarian. The millennials renamed authoritative parenting as "gentle parenting." There is an old Great Courses on the superior science behind authoritative parenting.
The irony of that woman saying kids are so entitled yet not realizing how entitled she sounds. Some parents don't earn the love of their children.amd in most cases they do have it but lose it because of their own actions. You can't avoid responsibility by saying "well I'm the mom "
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gentle parenting sounds like normal authoritive parenting style. The video example was regular parenting. It's sad that it has a name
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I've had so many jobs with parents like this or worse. Theyre just permissive or uninvolved parents. It was so bad sometimes I rememeber at my one retail job this kid just started peeing everywhere and barely making it outside. It was so disgusting. The parents cared more about buying an expensive tv than taking care of their son!! And the amount of times these kids break things or touch things for only employees kind of things like security tags, if u tell them to please stop their parents freak out at you and say they're the parent and they can parent them yet they ignore these kids and do literally nothing to teach them proper manners. It's so awful. The entitlement is insane.
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(My True Canadian story)Youngest of four boys born ‘91 musicial family(dad played with known Canadian blues/boogie musicians) Sports, Nintendo, sega. Be home for dinner or call. There were always brothers buddies over, nothing ever stolen.RESPECT. My 18 year old nephew. Good kid but very LIPPY lol he called me a bitch the other day and turned around…he got his first kick up the ass…I mean the field goal was good. He called me later and apologized. That’s all he needed.. and I needed ice fucking hurt my foot LOL
I don’t consider myself an iPad parent however after watching this I am eagered to do even less screen time I do keep up with my son behavior via teachers at school he is in Pre-K haven’t had much complaints in 2 years he’s been in school (he’s 4 now) I have only had one complaint which was this year it scared the crap out of me and I punished him for a whole weekend we already had the talk that once he goes to Kindergarten (big school) we have to do even less screen time he doesn’t have any siblings and I monitor his activities with the iPad so that was my reason for allowing him the iPad more frequently than I would like he has a 50/50 of educational apps and fun games he can write he knows his days of the weeks colors months of the year abc’s knows his mailing address how to spell his first last and middle name we are currently working on site words to prepare for kindergarten this video gave me a whole new perspective thank you for sharing ❤
I have worked with multiple age ranges throughout my years in childcare and it is so sad to see that there are kids that do not get the proper attention and I’m not saying like physical love or support more so in a school setting these kids do not know how to work and sit down and just finish their Homework and I get it I don’t wanna do homework either but we are allowing these kids to pass on by and pass through because they don’t want to try and these parents aren’t pushing these kids to try. They are allowing their kids to give up.
Just my own perspective, I could be completely wrong .
the children being problematic is a SYSTEMIC ISSUE ! a parent’s job in the wild is to teach their offspring how to survive in the world. the problem is, humanity is now a species where parents don’t know how to survive in the world bc we’ve messed it up majorly, and we keep making it worse generation over generation.
plus, childcare costs as much as a college education now and if parents have to be at work all day, the responsibility of raising their child is something that comes secondary to keeping a roof over their heads.
my POV is that i am older gen z, and my dad worked online from home and my mom was a sahm who spent all day (like hours and hours a day)on facebook. we were homeschooled too.
my parents weren’t dual income and one parent was always available. however, i was an ipad kid with the OG ipad, and before that it was my dad’s stylus laptop (lol). i’ve been chronically online forever and now that i’m 26, i can say firmly, I have had to teach myself everything except for working hard.
tech isn’t the solution, although it provides many convenient uses, and a dependence on it will likely end up with your child realizing you did nothing to build a relationship with them, and at that point, it might be too late to form a healthy one.
Gen Z's parents aren't Millenials, they're Gen X
I don’t have children (and never will bc I don’t want them) but I am of the opinion that you are VERY limited on your analysis of what it takes to raise a child if you don’t have children (especially if you don’t work with children or have any kind of relationship with the youth). The reason that you can talk about trauma and the parenting styles of previous generations is bc you actually have the experience of being raised by them and witnessed the toxins and stupidity manifested within Gen X’s values and attitudes.
I do agree that there are very toxic ideas about blood relatives though. Since no one chooses to be conceived or has the luxury of choosing our parents or other relatives, it’s ridiculous to grant them with entitlements for no other reason than their relationship status. 🤦🏾♀️ My attitude with anyone is you only get as much as deserve, doesn’t matter who you are. Parents are not special. They ended up with that status bc they did something to put themselves in that status. 🤷🏾♀️
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The fear is gone.
And the "no child left behind" act helped this mentality they have along too
14:22 WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE KID CONTINOUSLY DEFIES YOU CAUSE YOU WERE UNHABLE TO SET BOUNDARIES??? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN IN SCHOOL TEACHERS ARE UNHABLE TO SET BOUNDARIES OR – EVEN WORSE – PUT PUNISHMENTS OVER BAD BEHAVIOUR??? CHAOS!!! THATS WHAT YOU GET!! NOT HARD NOT SOFT NOT NEGLECT JUST BE PARENTS!!!! DONT PRETEND TO BE YOUR CHILDREN FRIEND!!!!