Trauma bonding in a LONG DISTANCE relationship
Trauma bonding in a LONG DISTANCE relationship
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I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. The girl I met online love bombed me for about 2 months. Wow, what a rush. I didn't know what hit me. Well, that lasted for about 6 months. I told her what I felt and how deceptive she was. She then disappeared for about 4 months. She then reached out to me and we were an item again.
We were doing quite well until about Jan 2024. It's been on and off, hot & cold and driving me insane. I was doing a lot of the pursuing but was becoming too much for the both of us. I finally backed off and now she's starting to come around very cautiously. Now, I don't reach out to her at all. She's slowly starting to come around. I have no idea what to expect at this point. There are no 'I love you's' between us, yet. I'm terrified of leaving her.
Thank you Dr Ramani, for all of the info.
Amazing love bombing in the beginning, talked every day. Years of long distance felt like it was happening in excruciating slow motion, roller coaster ride, magical thinking, future faking, the whole cycle repeating. She eventually claimed it was my fault we were not together. When my situation finally changed enough for me to move to be with her, she freaked, blurted out that she was afraid of losing her freedom. More future faking, I hung on trying to make sense of what had happened to my "soul mate". Each time she changed her hair style I knew she was seeing another man. After ten years she ghosted me and is now with her shiny new soul mate, mirroring his likes instead of mine. He seems to be a really great guy too, poor sap.
❤ this happenED to me
Thank you mam, I am in a long distance relationship now and we had a problem now.i felt that partner is having narcissistic behaviour..based on learning from you, now I all recall what happened from the past until now, his attitude towards me.i only have a question to you mam, if the person having a narcissist behaviour they know that to them self or they aware of that?
The answer is yes because that shit happened to me!
When i educated my self about narcissist, my narc. Wife of 12 years she started do more things to create drama but I remained calm then out the blue she said we need to talk she told me she returning to her native country for good, I replied if that is what you wanting I respecting your decision, then she said her flight is in 10 days time and she need to stay in my house until that day,
I calmly said no you leaving my house today she start cry and started pack she was angry, I told her what should I do with the rest of hers belong she replayed do what you wanting, I then bring 2 garbage wheel bins in the bed room whatever was left unpacked old and new in front of her I putting in bin while she looking she new it was the real END of 12 years of narcissistic supplying and triangulation, 12 years of hell I been bottle in I hold nothing back at that moment the taxi arrived and off she went out of my life, I am still traumatised my soul is broken I see my psychologist to helping me heal I know it’s long road to go, I blocked her on all social media, phone and her’s fly monkeys too but they or her still trying with new phones number as my cellphone is on silence unknown callers.
Yes . Yes . Yes . I am the one of luckiest one
Yes. It happened to me. It was intoxicating even though we rarely saw each other…in the beginning of course.
❤thankyou
Thank you for covering the long distance Narc relationship trauma bonding. It’s been a year now that he discarded me and I am still trying to heal from it.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago, The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Lektor po polsku plis
Such a great video!
Trauma bonding is an extremely painful experience and it takes a lot of time and grief to get out of it. Thank you dr Ramani ❤
Sad but true 😢
How can we tell the difference between someone who is simply very self centered and/or selfish and someone who is a narcissist?
When you're poor they wont give their daugters/sons to you. They won't accept a poor person as an intercessor or give credit to their reference. These poor people are better than the others. And when they speak they dont get listened to.
Realizing my parents destroyed me was the first.step. now in therapy and alone its getting better.
@karunas007
Wishing you every happiness for the future
I gave my boyfriend (later, husband) a roadmap for abusing me during our long-distance relationship because I recorded my thoughts and feelings in journal entries which I then sent to him.
So interesting! Thank you kindly!
Hey 👋🏻
Yes it can. I'm proof of it
I just want to reach out and tell you that you have made such an impact on me and my life. You have taught my friend and I who follow you, SO MUCH over the years and I am forever grateful! As is my therapist because he has admitted that he has learned so much from you through me. I never reached out before because I know how busy you must be. But he wouldnt leave me alone until I reached out and thanked you. So from Megan, Dr Rutberg, and myself…THANK YOU!
In fact, I started to watch Dr. Ramani videos because of two trauma bonded relationships that picked up again after years of no contact, both long distance. In one case, I saw the person again briefly but in the other case, I did not see the person nor ever will, probably, yet the relationship caused me years of heartache and trauma.
YES! I was LD friends with my nex for 5.5 yrs. He contacted me while going through a divorce saying "You're the one who got away." I took the bait and we dated LD for 2 yrs (1700 miles apart). We chatted constantly, so I felt secure, but only saw him 7 nights in 2 yrs. He was the king of future faking and had me hooked, until he discarded me for new supply when his divorce was final. It's been 4 yrs since our split and it was the most painful breakup I've dealt with! 😪
I’m so anxious and avoidant at this point. My initials should have been a clue. LDR I only just found out stands for long distance relationship. 😅
Yes long distance is worst
You re-uploaded this video… exact same video was uploaded 2-3 days ago…
Yes! My mother lives 6000 miles away. Ive been here 2 decades! 😢 So thankful for knowing!❤
can you do a VIDOE ON NPD AVIODENT ATTACHMENT PLEASE. THANKS Dr. Ramani. Have a great day. you rock😊
Absolutely yes it happened to me in a long distance relationship
Dr Ramani, I would very much appreciate a Video about: what to do when your own adult children are flying monkeys and the one who is using them ist their own Father. I saw some of your Videos about how small children or young ones are being influenced by a narcissistic parent. But I can't find any information about my situation. In my case my narzist left me after we've bin married 22 years. Our 5 Kids (17, 20, 23, 24, 25) are all influenced by their Father. It hurts so badly. I cant find any information what do I do in such a case. I live still with 2 younger ones, one lives with their Father and 2 not fahr away. We're all in one city. They go to their Father every Sunday to eat together, and they have a nice time there. They go in movie theaters, they make walks in parks with his dog, they go to restorants together, aso. By me at home I feel very strong the influence of their Father and it makes me very sad about it.
They all believe that it is only because of me that our family fell apart. I believed it as well. Only after 4 years (about 5 months ago), one lady in my new found church, opened my eyes and explained to me, in which reality I was in. She was able to see it, as I was telling her my story, putting the whole blame for whats happened 100% on myself. That was the first time I ever heard about a narcissism. Sad to say, I helped my kids to believe, that it was all my fault. Back then, I asked each of them for forgiveness for destroying our Family und the life of their Father. In saying so I actually helped him as well to win our kids as his flying monkeys.
What do I do, when I love them so much, that I can't really think of breaking the contact with them?
On top of it together with my friend we came to a very sad conclusion, that my oldest son is a narcissist as well – he does already the same kind of stuff with his girlfriend which I experienced with his Father What do I do as a mother?
I would be happy to hear something about "when adults children turn egainst you"
It's in the absence. Distance or not. This is exactly why there are all the mind game bs in dating and why it works so often. Because the less they are actually available, the more you can create of what you want them to be or who you want them to become. (fantasy) When people are actually present you usually can see who they actually are and make a decision on reality. This is a thing that I've seen happen in my own life and others— not just narc relationship— all new relationships to some degree. BUT, in narc relationships it is actually meant to be deceptive and to create exactly that dynamic.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Your videos have empowered and touched the lives of many (including me). And may I add, you are looking fabulous😊.